Violin Lessons « Result #5 on Mar 11, 2009, 9:35pm »
"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
"I'll play every day ,Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."
Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"
Trip To Europe « Result #6 on Mar 11, 2009, 9:35pm »
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he’s screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".
Eliza and Athena « Result #7 on Mar 10, 2009, 4:27am »
Once upon a time there lived a peasant. His wife died and left him three daughters. The old man wanted to hire a servant-girl to help about the house, but his youngest daughter Maryushka said: "Don't hire a servant, Father, I shall keep house alone."
And so his daughter Maryushka began keeping house, and a fine housekeeper she made. There was nothing she could not do, and all she did she did splendidly. Her father loved Maryushka dearly and was glad to have such a clever and hard-working daughter. And how lovely she was! But her two sisters were ugly creatures, full of envy and greed, always paint-ed and powdered and dressed in their best. They spent all day putting on new gowns and trying to look better than they really were. But nothing ever pleased them long -- neither gowns, nor shawls, nor high-heeled boots.
Now, one day the old man set out to market and he asked his daughters:
"What shall I buy you, dear daughters, what shall I please you with?"
"Buy us each a kerchief," said the two elder daughters. "And mind it has big flowers on it done in gold."
But his youngest daughter Maryushka stood silent, so the father asked her:
"And what would you like, Maryushka?"
"Dear Father, buy me a feather of Fenist the Bright Falcon."
By and by the father came back with the kerchiefs, but the feather he had not found.
After a while the man went to market again.
"Well, daughters, make your orders," said he.
And the two elder daughters replied eagerly: "Buy each of us a pair of silver-studded boots."
But Maryushka said again: "Dear Father, buy me a feather of Fenist the Bright Falcon."
All that day the father walked about the market and bought the boots, but the feather he could not find. And so he came back without it.
Very well, then. He set out on his way to the market for the third time and his elder daughters asked him: "Buy us each a new gown."
But Maryushka said again: "Dear Father, buy me a feather of Fenist the Bright Falcon."
All that day the father walked about the market, but still no feather. So he drove out of town, and who should he meet on the way but a little old man.
"Good day, Grandfather!"
"Good day to you, my dear man. Where are you bound for?"
"Back to my village, Grandfather. And I don't know what to do. My youngest daughter asked me to buy her a feather of Fenist the Bright Falcon, but I haven't found it."
"I have the feather you need; it is a charmed one, but I see you are a good man, so you shall have it, come what may."
The little old man took out the feather and gave it to the girl's father, but it looked quite ordinary, so the peasant rode home and he thought: "What good can it be to my Maryushka?"
In a while the old man came home and gave the presents to his daughters. And the two elder ones tried on their new gowns and kept laughing at Maryushka:
"Silly you were, and silly you are! Stick it in your hair now -- won't you look fine with it!"
But Maryushka made no answer, she just kept away from them. And when the whole house was asleep, she cast the feather on the floor and said softly: "Come to me, dear Fenist, Bright Falcon, my cherished bridegroom!"
And there came to her a youth of wondrous beauty. Towards morning he struck the floor and became a falcon. And Maryushka opened the window and the falcon soared up into the blue sky.
And so for three nights she made him welcome. By day he flew about in the blue heavens as a falcon; at nightfall he came back to Maryushka and turned into a handsome youth.
But on the fourth day the wicked sisters caught sight of them and went and told their father.
"Dear daughters," said he, "better mind your own business."
"All right," thought the sisters, "we shall see what comes next." And they stuck a row of sharp knives into the window-sill and hid by watching.
And after a while the Bright Falcon appeared. He flew up to the window, but could not get into Maryushka's room. So he fluttered and fluttered there, beating against the pane, till all his breast was cut by the blades. But Maryushka slept fast and heard nothing. So at last the falcon said:
"Who needs me, will find me, but not without pains. You shall not find me till you wear out three pairs of iron shoes, and break three iron staffs, and tear three iron caps."
Maryushka heard this and she sprang from her bed to the window. But the falcon was gone, and all he left on the window was a trace of red blood. Maryushka burst into bitter tears, and the little tear-drops washed off the trace of red blood and made her still prettier.
And then she went to her father and said to him: "Do not chide me, Father, but let me go on my weary way. If I live to see you, I shall, but if I do not, then so must it be."
The man was sorry to part with his sweet daughter, but at last he let her go.
So Maryushka went and ordered three pairs of iron shoes, three iron staffs, and three iron caps. And off she set on her long weary way to seek her heart's desire Fenist the Bright Falcon. She walked through open fields, she went through dark forests and she climbed tall mountains. The little birds cheered her heart with merry songs, the brooks washed her white face, and the dark woods made her welcome. And no one could do harm to Maryushka, for all the wild beasts -- grey wolves, brown bears and red foxes -- would come running out towards her. At last one pair of iron shoes wore out, one iron staff broke and one iron cap was torn.
The Ogress Queen « Result #8 on Feb 27, 2009, 3:32am »
People tell a story about a king who had seven wives but no children. When he married the first woman, he thought she would bear him a son. When she didn't, he married a second with the same hope. When she too turned out to be barren, he married a third, then a fourth, and then the others. But no son and heir was born to make his heart glad and to sit on the throne after him. Overwhelmed by grief, he was walking in a neighboring wood one day when he saw a woman of supernatural beauty.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm very miserable," he said. "I have seven wives but no son and heir to call my own. I came to this wood today hoping to meet some holy man who might bless me with a son."
"And you expect to find such a person here in these lonely woods?" she asked, laughing. "Only I live here. But I can help you. What will you give me if I give you what you wish?"
"Give me a son and you can have half my country."
"I don't want your gold or your country. I want you. Marry me, and you shall have a son. and heir."
The king agreed, took the beautiful woman to his palace, and married her that very week.
Very soon after that, all the other wives of the king became pregnant. However, the king's joy did not last long. The beautiful woman whom he had married was really an ogress. She had appeared before the king as a lovely woman only to deceive him and work mischief in his palace. Every night, when the entire royal household was fast asleep, she would rise and go to the stables and pens, and there she would eat an elephant, a horse or two, some sheep, or a camel. Once her hunger for raw meat and thirst for blood were satisfied, she would return to her room and behave as if nothing had happened. At first the king's servants were afraid to tell him they were missing some animals. But when the toll increased and more and more animals were taken every night, they had to go to him. He gave strict orders to protect the palace grounds and appointed guards everywhere. But the animals continued to disappear, and nobody knew how.
One night, the king was pacing in his room, not knowing what to do. His eighth and most beautiful wife said, "What will you give me if I discover the thief?"
"Anything. Everything," said the king.
"Very well, then. You rest now, and I'll show you the real culprits in the morning."
The king was soon fast asleep, and the wicked queen left the bedchamber and went straight to the sheep pens. She killed a sheep, filled an earthen pot with its blood, returned to the palace, went to the bedrooms of the other seven wives of the king, and stained their mouths and clothes with the blood she had brought. Then she went and lay down in the royal bedroom where the king was still sleeping. At dawn, she woke him up and said to him, "You won't believe this, but your other wives, all seven of them, are the true culprits. They eat live animals. They are not human beings; they are all ogresses. Beware of them. You too are in danger. Go now and see if what I say is not true."
The king did so, and when he saw the bloodstained mouths and clothes of his queens, he feared for his life and flew into a rage. He ordered that their eyes be put out at once and that they be thrown down a big dry well outside the city and left there to starve to death. And it was done.
The very next week, one of them gave birth to a son. The starving queens, nearly dead of hunger, couldn't help eating the newborn child for food. When another queen had a son, he too was eaten. As each of the other queens gave birth to a son, that child was devoured in turn. The seventh wife, who was the last to give birth, did not eat her portions of the other wives' children, but kept them till her own son was born. When he was born, she begged them not to kill him but take the portions she had saved. So this child alone was spared.
The baby grew and became a strong and beautiful boy. When he was six years old, the seven women thought they should show him a bit of the outer world. But how? The well was deep, and its sides were perpendicular. At last one of them thought of a way. They stood on each other's heads, and the one who stood on the top of all took the boy with her and put him on the bank at the well's mouth. The little fellow ran here and there and finally to the palace nearby, entered the kitchen, and begged for some food. He got a lot of scraps. He ate some of the food and brought the rest to his mother and the king's other wives.
This continued for some time. He grew bigger and taller. One morning the cook asked him to stay and prepare the dishes for the king. The cook's mother had just died and he had to go and arrange for the cremation of the body. The clever boy promised to do his best, and the cook left. That day the king was particularly pleased with the dishes. Everything was rightly cooked, nicely seasoned, and beautifully served. In the evening the cook returned. The king sent for him and complimented him on the excellent food he had prepared that day and asked him to cook like that every day. The cook was an honest man and confessed that he had been absent most of the day because his mother had died. He told the king that he had hired a boy to do the cooking that day. When he heard this, the king was surprised and commanded the cook to employ the boy regularly in the kitchen. From then on, there was a great difference in the king's meals and the service, and His Majesty was more and more pleased with the boy and sent him many presents. The boy took them and all the food he could carry to his mother and the king's other wives.
On the way to the well each day, he had to pass a fakir, who always blessed him and asked for alms and always received something. Some years had passed this way, and the boy had grown up to be a handsome young man, when one day by chance the wicked queen saw him. She was struck by his good looks. She asked him who he was and where he came from. The boy didn't know whom he was talking to and so told her everything about himself and his mother and the other queens in the well. And from that moment on, the wicked woman began to plot against his life. She pretended to be sick and called in a doctor. She bribed him to tell the king that she was mortally ill and that nothing but the milk of a tigress would cure her.
As a Man Soweth « Result #9 on Feb 23, 2009, 8:11pm »
When I was in junior high, the eighth-grade bully punched me in the stomach. Not only did it hurt and make me angry,wow gold but the embarrassment and humiliation were almost intolerable. I wanted desperately to even the score! I planned to meet him by the bike racks the next day and let him have it.
For some reason, I told my plan to Nana, my grandmother -- big mistake. She gave me one of her hour-long lectures (that woman could really talk).wow power leveling The lecture was a total drag, but among other things, I vaguely remember her telling me that I didn’t need to worry about him. She said, “Good deeds beget good results, and evil deeds beget bad results.” I told her, in a nice way, of course, that I thought she was full of it. I told her that I did good things all the time, and all I got in return was “baloney!” (I didn’t use that word.) She stuck to her guns, though. She said, “Every good deed will come back to you someday, and every bad thing you do will also come back to you.”
It took me 30 years to understand the wisdom of her words. Nana was living in a board-and-care home in Laguna Hills, California. Each Tuesday,wow power leveling I came by and took her out to dinner. I would always find her neatly dressed and sitting in a chair right by the front door. I vividly remember our very last dinner together before she went into the convalescent hospital. We drove to a nearby simple little family-owned restaurant. I ordered pot roast for Nana and a hamburger for myself. The food arrived and as I dug in, I noticed that Nana wasn’t eating. She was just staring at the food on her plate.wow power leveling Moving my plate aside, I took Nana’s plate, placed it in front of me, and cut her meat into small pieces. I then placed the plate back in front of her. As she very weakly, and with great difficulty, forked the meat into her mouth, I was struck with a memory that brought instant tears to my eyes. Forty years previously, as a little boy sitting at the table.wow gold Nana had always taken the meat on my plate and cut it into small pieces so I could eat it.
It had taken 40 years, but the good deed had been repaid. Nana was right. We reap exactly what we sow. “Every good deed you do wow gold will someday come back to you.”
Steal What? « Result #10 on Feb 17, 2009, 12:12am »
This story took place several years ago,wow power leveling, when our boys were about eight years old. It was the first game of the season, and the first game in which the boys began pitching. I went out to discuss ground rules with the umpire and realized that is was also the first year that the boys could steal bases. Unfortunately, we had not gone over this in practice. wow power leveling,So I hurried back to the dugout, gathered my players and proceeded to go over the rules.wow power leveling, As I got to the subject of stealing bases, I announced enthusiastically, "And this year we get to steal!" The news caused the boys to erupt into yelling and cheering. wow gold,Their response left me thinking positively that this might all work out okay after all. wow gold,Then the cheers died down, and as our team was about to take the field, one player loudly exclaimed,wow gold,"Steal what?!" I let out a groan as I realized that the question had come from my son!
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